OK, so laugh a little!

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THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK VACATIONS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”
2. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”
3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”
4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”
5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”
7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”
8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”
9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”
10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”
12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”
13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”
14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”
15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”
16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”
17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”
19. “My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Thanks Again Bob

Don’t you just love them!

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and he asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you could give me?”

“Well,” replied the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Trump frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”

The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.”

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send Theresa May in here, would you?”

Theresa May walked into the room and said, “Yes, Your Majesty?”

The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this, if you would, Theresa. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, Theresa May answered, “That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.

Trump went back home to ask Mike Pence the same question. “ Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Pence. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Pence ran into Sarah Palin in a restaurant the next night. Pence asked, “Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Sarah Palin answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Pence smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Pence then, went back to speak with Trump. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Sarah Palin!”

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled, “No, you idiot! it’s Theresa May!”

Thanks to critterman

Pirates a success for their First Night

Jack WOODFORD  on the right side of the law

We were, indeed, fortunate to be able to applaud the performance of Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Pirates of Penzance” as publicized on our website because of our inveterate Thespian, Jack Woodford. Jack, as we all remember from his time as a borough councilor is never afraid to step into the limelight. So, true to form, Jack joined the band of pirates and the pursuing policemen (not forgetting the aunts and the fair maidens) in what can only be described as a very impressive performance by the Deal Savoyards in The Astor Theatre Deal.

Why complain about parking???

Hahahaha

Posted by Şaka Gibi on Samstag, 25. Februar 2017

Fishing Gives You Time To Think!

                  Gone Fishin’

The other day, crossing Wye Bridge, I saw a father and son fishing. The boy had that bright inquiring look so familiar to those who live along Olanteigh Road and, between casts, I heard him ask his father the following questions.
“Dad, what is it that makes that kayak float?”
Dad replied, “Good question, son, but I really don’t know.”
A few minutes later came the second question. “Dad, how is it possible for fish to breathe under water?”
Dad answered, “I don’t know the answer to that question.”
A short time later the boy asked, “Dad, why is the sky blue?”
Dad answered, “I don’t know, son.”
Then the boy commented “Dad, I hope you don’t mind me asking all those questions.”
The Dad, looked seriously at his son and said, “Not at all, son. If you don’t ask questions, how on earth are you going to learn anything.”

Real Home-Grown Humour! Seven nuns pictured at Seven Sisters  – BBC News

Thanks to the BBC and Ben Patey

Don’t you just love it when real life copies fiction? Of course we know all about the Vicar of Dibley and its village! Perhaps they are waiting for seven brothers?

The real-life seven sisters were pictured by a London commuter who said it was a “strange but amusing moment”.

Source: Seven nuns pictured at Seven Sisters – but some say there are nine – BBC News

No Laughing Matter

Several years ago the recently deceased Bert Chittenden took delivery of a brand-new motorized mower. You will recollect that those were the days when Bert led the way in keeping his (several) allotments neat and tidy and, to boot, would mow both major and minor paths. But enough of reminiscing about the ‘good old days’, after all for some they were good and for others less so. Anyway Bert took delivery of his bright red motor on an evening just before the weekend. He awoke next morning to find that thieves had stolen his new machine. As we learned rural thefts of farm vehicles and machinery was a growing hazard for working in the countryside.

However, this tongue-in-cheek look at the issue as seen from the other side of the pond, raised a wry smile.

Wise Words?